if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize