tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
