Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
