You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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