well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
