i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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