very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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