Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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