at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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