Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
