Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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