I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
