Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
