its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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