Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
