This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
