Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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