with your own penis?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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