I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
