she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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