I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
