I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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