I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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