apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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