I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
