i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
