He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
