You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
