Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
