i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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