she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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