She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
