My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
