I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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