Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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