you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
