Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
