He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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