What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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