Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
