As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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