Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
