My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
