It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found puke in my bra..
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
