got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
