I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
