if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
