dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
