Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
