Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
