I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
