So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
